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Looking for a way to turn your extra thousands into millions? You are so in luck. I have been developing two can't-miss fast food chains and they are now almost ready for rollout. All that's missing is the capital to buy equipment, uniforms, and inventory, and to hire employees. And to pay for some advertising. Basically, what's missing is capital.

Of course you want to know more about these restaurants. Sure, my word isn't good enough for you, is it? Ingrate. I'm about to make you a millionaire and all you can do is whine "But what am I investing in? How do I know it's a can't-miss idea?" Fine, this ought to satisfy your morbid curiosity. Your future sources of unimaginable wealth are:

Le Grand Canard: Duck is the chicken of the future, and the future is upon us! Le Grand Canard is poised to exploit this trend; it sells confit of duck leg and duck a l'orange to go, packaged in spiffy Styrofoam containers emblazoned with the French flag. Sides include pommes frites and pommes Anna; for your convenience, the pommes frites have the mayonnaise cooked right into them--no need for dipping! Not that hungry? Try our grilled duck breast cutlet on a baguette and a soda cup full of field greens, dressed with industrial Dijon vinaigrette. The entire staff speaks French only but--here's the twist--is very friendly.

Risotto Hut: This concept presents some challenges, as risotto takes a long time to prepare and does not particularly enjoy sitting under a heat lamp for extended periods. The solution: service on the hour only. Customers are advised to arrive well before the hour mark (to beat the crowd!) and place their orders for one of the following: ground beef, lettuce, tomato, onion and ketchup risotto; fried chicken and mashed potato risotto; and taco risotto. Kids will love our mascot Beppo, the starch-shedding grain of Arborio rice. Beppo plays the accordion and dances to entertain the kiddies during the inevitable long waits.

If you are interested, send cash only (no checks!) to

Penis Enlargement Opportunity
PO Box 45208
Cayman Islands